No, i'm not dead

My apologies for the lack of posts in the last few days. Frankly, I have had nothing to post, because the only thing on my mind is the godforsaken winter ball and the fact that I don't have anyone to go with.

I've never been popular with the ladies. I'm friends with most of the guys in my grade, but I only have a few friends that are girls, and I wouldn't think of them as more than friends. I suppose i'm just too afraid to ask anyone to the winter ball because I know i'm going to get turned down. It's pointless, and I fucking hate rejection.

I don't have much to say. I've been generally pissed off the last few days at everything and nothing at the same time. My philosophical happy places are failing me. But I don't want to leave my one or two readers empty-handed any longer.

So i'm going to do something I have never done before. I am going to share one of the songs i'm writing with somebody else. It's a first for me. This one is currently untitled (if you have a good title, feel free to share!) and incomplete. I plan on adding another few verses, another chorus or two, and perhaps a bridge or something similar. The guitar part I have in the works for it is based off a simple chord progression; G,G,Em,Am,D,D. I'm going to stem off of that.

Well, here goes.


Untitled


I don't know why
I try so hard to change who you are,
'cause every time you shove me out the door,
and leave me lyin' broken-hearted on the floor

And broken promises
like empty cans of beer tie down your mind
forget the paper trails I leave for you to find
you veer from salvation back to nowhere

And as my world falls apart around you
you will soon find i'm the only thing that is true
as the things you loved crumble away
you just might see, if only for one day


And I've seen life and I've seen death and I
looked them in the face side by side and said
it'll take one of you for her to realize
that nothing is quite what it seems



That's all I have so far. Love it or hate it, I don't care. I'm glad I could share it, because it was written for ears that refuse to listen.

Today, I questioned religion.

Yep, you heard me right. I questioned religion. Now, this has been quite typical of me in the past. But today, I truly looked at religion and was impressed by how much damage a single institution can deal to humanity. Yell at me, tell me I will burn in Hell, see if I care.

Imagine a world without religion.

Would it be a better place? Would it be worse? Who is to say? I believe that the majority of major wars since the years of Christ have been motivated partially or completely by religion. The Crusades? European Christians wanting to take back the Holy Land from the Muslims. The Age of Exploration? European Christians believed it was their divine right to destroy the nonbelievers (Native Americans) and take the land they were 'entitled to'. Without religion, would there still be strife in Palestine? Would there be controversy over gay marriage and abortion? And, i'm even going to pull the big one:

Would the September 11th attacks have occured?

Nobody can say for sure. Although it can be argued that religion was the motivation for the terrorists, it can also be argued that other factors played into it as well.

However, I must respect the idea that if religion all of a sudden disappeared, the majority of the world would be lost. But if religion was never there in the first place? Would all the world turn to science to explain both the everyday and the extraordinary?

Now, this post has definitely offered more questions than answers. The truth is, I am still pondering the questions I asked. Some of them are beyond me. But I have one more question to pose: Are we addicted to religion? If Christianity, for example, was unquestionably disproved, would it's followers abandon it? Or would they reject reality for the better world they imagine, as a drug addict would?

To finish this one off, I have a song by British trio White Lies (formerly known as Fear of Flying). This track has fantastic instrumentation as well as killer lyrics. From their debut album, To Lose My Life, this is "Fifty On Our Foreheads".

I have a story from the darker days of my life. Want to hear?

My sophomore year of high school was one of the best and worst experiences of my life. It was like a roller coaster from hell in a Final Destination movie. I wont give you my sob story, but I would like to share one series of events that caused me to feel happier than ever yet suicidal, all at the same time. 

In late September of that year, I met someone that I will never forget. We were introduced by a mutual friend. We talked for a bit, but didn't really hit it off until the magical invention of video chatting came about. We started to video chat for hours every day. Once or twice, we video chatted until three or four in the morning on a weeknight. For a while, we seemed the best of friends. I told her every single thing about me, and she told me everything about her. She always knew when something was wrong, and she helped me through a few emotional breakdowns and things of the sort. But it soon became apparent that I wanted to be more than friends. This caused a problem.

You see, this girl had a boyfriend. I didn't really know this kid at the time, but he seemed like an asshole prick. I tried for a while to break them up, and I think I got pretty close. This girl liked me back, or so she told me, but not enough to end what she already had. We both wanted to be friends regardless of what happened between us. But something changed. 

All I can assume is that she simply stopped liking me as more than a friend. And it was my fault. I pushed too hard. I played with fire.

And I was burned.

She started pushing me away. She never wanted to talk, and she avoided me at school. She even insulted me, and although it seemed to be jokingly, it hurt me deeply. So I left her alone. And I cried. And cried and cried and cried.

I wrote songs about her, about myself, about depression even. I listened to solemn, depressing music. I didn't talk to anyone. And I cried more and more.

Thankfully, things gradually healed. We started to talk again. I apologized to her for my actions, and she accepted my apology. I promised I would never interfere with her relationships again. And, although it pained my greatly to do so, I pretended that I didn't want to be more than friends.

After a while, my love died away. This seems sad, but this was actually good for the both of us. We were still good friends, and are to this day.

I don't want your pity, or advice. I wanted someone, anyone to tell my story to. I got what I wanted. Thank you, my devoted followers (all three of you).

To close this post, I would like to share a song that is very special to me. Every time I hear it, I think of this girl. It is exactly how I feel about her and I, put into a beautiful song.

This is Dave Matthews' "Sister".

Last.fm, and a fantastic song to start things off.

I have recently fallen in love. Not with a girl. Or a boy, you pricks. Not with a car or a celebrity or a movie. I have fallen in love with Last.fm. I used to be a devout Pandora patron, but in recent months the number of advertisements has grown as the number of songs you can skip per hour has shrunk. I heard about Last.fm from a good friend. I decided to check it out. On the main page, I was prompted to input an artist I liked. I typed in Interpol, a solid starter, and continued. In just two clicks (not a single ad!) I was listening to Interpol Radio. Now, you may think, 'Gee, sounds like a Pandora wannabe!' But no, instead of having to skip every other song because I hate them like I do on Pandora, I enjoyed every single song that the station played. Although you can skip as many songs as you want as often as you want, I have used that feature perhaps twice in the two weeks I have been a Last.fm junkie. Not to mention, the iPhone app they have isn't half bad. Like Pandora, Last.fm offers a short biography of the band you are listening to. Unlike Pandora, the biographies on Last.fm actually contain valuable, even engaging information. Also, if you like a song, a new station based on that artist is one click away. In a nutshell, Last.fm is the best thing since sliced bread (I wonder, what was the best thing before sliced bread?). If you love music, or just like it, or are indifferent, even if you hate it with a burning passion, check Last.fm out. To wrap things up, here is a dandy little song by Ash, an alternative band from Northern Ireland. This track is titled Polaris, and is off their 2007 album, Twilight of the Innocents.

Background information... and a song by Radiohead

I started this blog on a dark, stormy night. January 6th, 2010, to be exact. I thought to myself, "Hey, nobody cares what I think, but with the magic of the internet, I can pretend that people read my thoughts!"

Thus was the birth of this nonsense.

I will mostly post about philosophical thoughts and revelations I come to through my daily life. These will mostly be of existential nature (hence the title). I consider myself fairly philosophical, though I rarely ever read the works of other philosophers (with the exception of Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra, which changed my life). I have the aforementioned revelations at the strangest times, such as in the shower, or while chasing a leopard up and escalator.

I may also post about current events and my opinion on them. Or my life in general. Or anything, really, of little to no pertinence.

I also enjoy other stuff. Like music. I will try to include in each post a song that most people have most likely never heard. Most of it will be indie alternative rock, which is what I am into, with a few curveballs here and there.

If you are still reading this and I have not paid you to become a follower, you are either bored out of your mind, or genuinely intrigued. Either way, I hope you enjoy the philosophical ramblings of a stranger... and other stuff.

Oh, and here is a song by Radiohead called Reckoner. It's really good.